It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
