He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She told me I should be a condom model.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
