Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I fill condoms, not promises.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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