Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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