dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
