You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
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we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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