i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
