Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
