I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
