just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
