i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
