i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
