oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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