drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
