You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
