Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
