Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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