my vag is so smooth its legendary
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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