I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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