pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
