he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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