Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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