maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
