She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
