I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize