My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A+ Viking dick
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
