i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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