maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
