Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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