Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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