Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My vagina is officially offended.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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