waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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