I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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