tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
