Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
