Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
