Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
