Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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