And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
