i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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