if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
