OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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