He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
