Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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