tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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