I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
