yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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