Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
