i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they're like a gay fantastic four
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
