I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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