i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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