Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The best revenge is premature balding
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
