turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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