guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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