I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
