To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
