you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
