Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
