mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ok first of all what the fuck
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
