i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
