Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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