I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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