1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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