Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
