evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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