It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
