So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
