so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
