Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
