walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
