No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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