i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
