I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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