You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
