I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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