Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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