There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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