Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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