Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
