Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then