when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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