im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
