I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
