he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
how drunk are you?
Several
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
