i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
